Processing Childhood Trauma can be Kinky (TheAGPrick)
Processing Childhood Trauma Can Be Kinky
!!!!!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!
Disclaimer: The purpose of this post is to be helpful, and I hope to help at least one person with this information. My intention is to be helpful, not controversial, although this is a controversial topic, and I welcome any arguments, disagreements, or questions. I am not an expert, I am just a dude that came to this understanding based on my own life experiences, and my hope in sharing this is to help someone else better understand themselves and their desires. Any feedback is welcome and appreciated! My goal is to be respectful!
When the brain is able to process childhood trauma sexually, it seems as though it will do so. A physical imprint is formed on the brain which allows the trauma to be processed in the form of a sexual kink or fetish. Secondary to sexual stimulation are feelings of comfort, and so often do we act out on our fetishes just to experience this comfort. This is where the stereotype that "women like dating assholes" comes from; this stereotype wouldn't exist if there weren't so many guys out there who are, in fact, assholes. A woman who had a verbally abusive father will likely enjoy being verbally abused in bed; a woman who had a physically abusive father will likely be very submissive, and enjoy being physically abused in bed. A woman who dates deadbeats and tries to "fix" them is likely trying to subconsciously fix her father; a woman who dates a narcissistic alcoholic likely had a narcissistic alcoholic father.
A little boy that is sexually molested by a grown man may grow up to be a married man with children, that occasionally seeks out older gentlemen to have sex with. This has nothing to do with sexual orientation, this is the man reverting back to a childlike state and trying to reconcile his trauma and confront his abuser. A little boy that is sexually molested by a grown man may instead grow up to be a child molester, specifically targeting boys in the same age range he was in when he was molested; in this case his brain created a sexual imprint of pedophilia to process his trauma; in both instances the adult victim is recreating the trauma in order to process it. A little boy that was abused by a grown woman is very likely to be a child abuser as an adult; he will abuse little girls and on average has a much higher victim count than the pedophile that is a childhood victim of sexual abuse by a man, and this is a big contributing factor as to why there are more female victims of childhood sexual abuse than male victims.
The majority of male victims of childhood sexual abuse process their trauma externally, in the ways described previously; however, a smaller percentage of male victims process their trauma the same way that the majority of female victims of childhood sexual abuse will process their trauma: internally. This results in many female victims growing up with low self esteem, and a poor self image. Depending on the circumstances surrounding the traumatic event and the relationship to their abuser, a victim can grow up to be very sexually promiscuous and likely to prostitute themselves, or a victim can grow up to be very sexually repressed, and often times asexual. A sexually repressed victim may develop Binge Eating Disorder, where they will overeat to the point of obesity. In this situation, the Binge Eating Disorder is fueled by a victim's subconscious desire to protect themselves from being abused again; by making themselves physically undesirable, the child who was hurt is resolving their trauma by making lowering the possibility of being hurt again. In a similar fashion, a female survivor of childhood sexual abuse may develop Gender Dysphoria in response to the subconscious desire to protect themselves from being sexually abused. The child who was hurt is resolving their trauma in a very similar way, but instead of overeating in order to become sexually undesirable, they medically transition from a female to male gender to protect themselves from being hurt again.
At the risk of being accused of transphobia, I feel it is important to address the fact that in certain, rare cases, a person may be exhibiting symptoms of Gender Dysphoria as a response to childhood trauma. I am not making any kind of recommendation as to what the best solution is for these situations, I am simply pointing out that this happens, and it is often a neglected possibility when trying to locate a source of a person's Gender Dysphoria. In addition to the example above, Gender Dysphoria can be, in specific, rare examples, a result of an individual's Internalized Misogyny or Internalized Misandry related to childhood trauma. For example, if a little boy is raised by a mother who despises men, most likely because of the abuse she, herself experienced at the hands of men, the little boy may develop self hatred as a result of continuous exposure to negativity towards the male gender, in general. I speculate that the internalized misandry this little boy developed in his formative years may be the underlying, subconscious motivation for undergoing male-to-female transition as an adult. (Please note that I am not making an opinion on whether or not a medical MtF transition is the right or wrong choice in this particular circumstance, I am simply observing this possibility.)
OK... BUT WHY DOES A RANDOM, UNQUALIFIED DUDE ON THE INTERNET KNOW ALL THIS WEIRD SHIT?
I became interested in the idea that childhood trauma can be processed sexually when I was thirty three years old, and my father triggered me into having an Implicit Memory. An implicit memory, or Implicit Flashback, is an emotional memory of something that happened during early childhood, typically before visual memories are formed, and typically a memory of childhood trauma. My father triggering me into having this emotional flashback subsequently led to me regressing back through my childhood, with memories I had not recalled in decades surfacing, as well as a Repressed Childhood Memory. At the end of all of this, I realized that my childhood was more abusive than I had given it credit for, and for the first time in my life, I became aware of what I presume to be a substantial amount of repressed childhood trauma; over two years have passes since this realization and I still have not faced this trauma. After I became aware of it's existence, I learned about Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I learned that I have many symptoms of C-PTSD and I learned that the weird sensation that I had been experiencing since childhood was Derealization, part of DP/DR, which is often a side effect of childhood trauma. I realized that this is likely why I was so drawn to substance abuse, and why I still abuse drugs... and I feel like I need to face this trauma, for my own well being.
My brain feels like it is clenched into a fist at all times, holding on to this trauma, and the few times I have accessed it, my brain starts physically moving, as though it is loosening the grip as I begin to experience these terrible emotions that have been stored for three decades, and I experience them as the little boy I was at the time that the trauma occurred; this is a strange experience, and typically I become too scared to face these feelings, and I strain to "turn off the faucet" and keep the trauma stored in the depths of my mind. This experience made me really understand the idea of Unprocessed Childhood Trauma, and with this understanding in mind, I realized that some other, unrelated childhood trauma, had been processed by my brain sexually.
When I started public school, I was terrorized everyday during recess, by an older bully, who would torment me and beat me up and call me a girl. I was terrified of going to recess, because this older boy and his friends would laugh at me for being a "girl". I was the smallest boy in my grade, the only white boy, and my mother had decided to keep my hair long because she loved "my beautiful curls". I was always misgendered as a small child, and I remember one particular instance of walking down the street with my parents, and an older gentleman saying "What a beautiful little girl!" Well, I did not much care for being misgendered, and in response to the way I was obviously bothered by this, my parents both laughed at me. Until recently, I never understood why I had a Male Emasculation Fetish until I understood firsthand how childhood trauma works. Now I understand why I had an uncontrollable urge to wear my sister's panties when I hit puberty, and why I had wet dreams about standing in front of the whole school wearing nothing but panties, and feeling absolutely humiliated. I realized that there were no negative feelings associated with being bullied as a child, and that the humiliation of being seen by others as a little girl provided me with only feelings of sexual arousal. I am a masochistic transvestite with Autogynephilia as a result of childhood emasculation trauma.
Approximately 75% of adults that sexually abuse children are themselves victims of childhood sexual abuse; this percentage is even higher in cases where Incest is involved. Instead of regarding pedophiles and child predators with the pure hatred that has become customary in modern society, I instead approach this issue with empathy, understanding that everyone involved is a victim. I hope for a day when society is more understanding of the reasons why people commit these crimes, and I hope someday options such as chemical castration will be made available for those who wish to curb their pedophilic urges. What I have come to understand is that the brain will use sexuality as an outlet for processing childhood trauma whenever it is able to do so. I do not believe that every type of abusive or traumatic situation a child can experience is able to be processed this way; however, I do believe that many different types of traumatic situations can be processed by the brain sexually. A sexual imprint is created by the brain during childhood - in fact, I can actually remember when this imprint was formed on my brain. I believe I was six years old, and I remember feeling the odd sensation of this imprint forming on my brain; I suddenly had the thought come into my mind that stripping down to nothing but my underoos would be humiliating, and this feeling of humiliation was suddenly all I desired. Being at home that day, I proceeded to take off all my clothes down to my underoos, and remain this way for the rest of the day. The humiliation felt so very comforting, just as my humiliation fetish comforts me today. As I grow older, I find that completely feminizing myself is more comforting than sexually stimulating, and I often see this sentiment expressed by other self-diagnosed autogynephiles online. People take comfort in their sexual kinks; it is the brains way of processing negative, traumatic emotions - and transforming them into something comforting.
What I am curious about now is the Sexual Imprint formed by our brains as children; obviously, this is where our sexual fetishes are derived from. What I am wondering is if this imprint forms in everybody, regardless of the brain needing an escape route from trauma - perhaps, an untraumatized child develops a more benign fetish? I believe a male child can develop an emasculation fetish, for example, that is not based in trauma. Emasculation is inherently sexual, and a little boy wearing a dress may have the potential for crossing some wires in the brain and creating a crossdressing fetish that is not rooted in masochism and humiliation. They say the most common fetish is Podophilia - a foot fetish - and as far as I can understand this fetish is not rooted in trauma. I am curious if anyone with Autopedophilia - the adult-baby fetish - can help me understand if this fetish might be rooted in trauma, such as childhood neglect. Paraphilias often cluster, and I think this may be due to sustaining multiple traumatic childhood experiences.
I hope this post has been thought provoking to those that have made it this far; my hope is that information like this can help people understand who they are sexually compatible with. I am very lucky to have fallen in love with a woman who will participate in my fetish with me; she will dress me up like a girl, peg me and humiliate me - everything I need. When I asked her if her father was ever abusive to her, verbally or otherwise, she told me that she was very lucky to have a mother that always put her father in his place every time he had something mean to say. Who said that mother-in-laws have to be so awful, anyway?
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Thanks for reading!
Love for Humanity!
tl;dr: many fetishes are actually childhood trauma being processed. We are all getting off to our trauma.
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