So, I'm... Uhm - Not AGP - Actually. We Still G's Tho. Right, Homies? (TheAGPrick)
 |
| Detrans is the new AGP |
I've recently come to the conclusion that I'm not AGP, after all. This will be my last post on r/askAGP.
Recently, members of the online AGP community have been having a discussion about AGP and MEF being two separate phenomena. This led to me taking a deeper look into myself and I have come to the conclusion that I agree: AGP and MEF share some similarities that can make it seem like MEF could be a subtype of AGP, or that MEF could be an aspect of AGP, but the reality is that AGP and MEF are two separate phenomena, independent of one another. While I do believe that there are AGP's out there with humiliation kinks, I believe that I am MEF only. I was apparently mistaken about my AGP identity (lol).
Reasons why I am not AGP:
I've never inserted myself in the role of the female in pornography.
I've never seen a woman and wanted to be her.
I've never felt envy towards women. I've never experienced gender envy.
I've never been drawn towards the idea of transitioning; I've never wanted to be trans.
I don't want to be a woman; I want to be a man who is feminized (I am a transvestic fetishist).
I discovered AGP when I was 33 years old and I found it be relieving and validating, as opposed to troubling and perverse. (Well, now I'm thinking that's because I wasn't actually AGP).
After all, I've been defining AGP as the arousal at the thought of being a woman or being feminine/feminized. Is that really AGP, though? For months I thought that this was what AGAMP meant, but it's not the same thing and I'm not AGAMP and I don't want to have no fuckin' tits, so I guess I'm just a hyper-feminized gimp with GAMP. Most trans women despise chasers, but I am not bothered by chasers at all, because I feel the same way that they do: the reason that trans women are hot is because they are feminized men who need to be dominated. Most trans women would not appreciate that reasoning, however. Most trans women expect to be desired as actual women... by straight men. Hello - delusional much?
MEF is a trauma response and there is no question about it, as far as I'm concerned. MEF's like myself are always able to pinpoint the events where the emasculating childhood trauma occurred. I can even remember the trauma becoming sexually imprinted, in order to process the intense humiliation and embarrassment associated with it. MEF's are masochists, who are most turned on by their own humiliation. MEF'S do not think that femininity is inherently humiliating. The humiliation is directed only at themselves, in relation to the humiliation that a young boy experiences when he is emasculated. Does that make sense? Because I am so sick of seeing people say that. Typical MEF'S actually respect women a hell of a lot more than typical AGP'S do. MEF'S do not want to be women or think that they are women and they want powerful, beautiful women to dominate them and feminize them and fuck them. Ahem. It is much easier for MEF's to find sexual compatible female partners than it is for AGP's. This is because MEF's want a partner who will feminize them and humiliate them as a man, whereas AGP's want a partner who will see them as a women, like themselves. Well. That's an issue, fellas. That's just not going to work out.
The truth is that I am so happy that I am not AGP. I'm sorry to say that, but I just feel like it is a lot more difficult to be AGP.
OH AND AGP's stole the label "sissy" from MEF's (they didn't do this intentionally, I'm not trying to make it seem like that). "Sissy" is an MEF label, and I would prefer to say I am a Sissy instead of an MEF. A sissy is a man who is deemed to be inferior by his peers. A sissy doesn't decide that they are a sissy. This is the root of the MEF trauma. That's why I never understood when someone says "I'm thinking of becoming a sissy" or "I want to be a sissy and need some advice". Like, what? Being a sissy isn't a choice. That's why I've never had any interest in watching a sissy hypno (never watched one, really I haven't). I always thought the concept was weird; like, why would you need to be hypnotized into being a sissy? Again, being a sissy isn't a choice.
Enough of that. I have written extensively about AGP and I am just now realizing that I wasn't even an AGP. I feel stupid and embarrassed (and not in a good way) and I am sorry. So I think this is the last post I will be writing on the topic of autogynephilia.
I'm going to speculate on the cause of AGP ONE last time
Despite all the ways listed above in which I am not AGP, there are still a few ways in which I am AGP. This is something I wish to resolve:
Reasons why I am AGP
I completely repressed my urges to cross dress and feminize myself for almost thirty years.
This led to the creation of an ETII and a female persona.
I feel compelled to fully feminize myself and look like an attractive woman. I flirt with men online because I seek validation.
WHY do I do this? Am I AGP?
My childhood trauma is related to being smaller, weaker and more feminine than all the other boys. This has led to feelings of being an "HSTS trapped in an AGP's body." The truth is that I think I'm hot and I like to show off - but maybe that is in part related to the childhood neglect I experienced, which has certainly contributed to certain "attention seeking behaviors" as an adult.
So what causes AGP and what should AGP's do about it?
Fuck if I know. I wouldn't expect anyone to take me seriously at this point, but here it is: notice how years of repressing my urges led to the formation of an ETII and a typical AGP "coming of age" story? Well, fortunately I stopped all that repressing bullshit not long after that, and today I am completely open about who I am. In fact, I don't see my female persona as a separate identity so much as an aspect of the man that I am.
That's important! I think AGP is closely related to the gender dysphoria experienced by the majority of trans people, regardless of the presence of an AGP/AAP component. What I mean is that AGP'S have a tendency to compartmentalize their desires associated with femininity and being "a woman". This is what many trans people do: they separate the qualities aligned with their biological sex from the qualities aligned with the opposite sex. Basically, this is done out of insecurity and trying to "act the right way" that a person of their AGAB (or OGAB if you're a douchebag) acts.
Here's something I've seen a few times on Reddit: a trans woman who has just started their medical transition and is now excited to explore the world of makeup for the first time. This baffles me. Like, are you fucking serious? You decided you needed to medically transition in order to become a woman before you felt comfortable touching makeup? This is ridiculous. I see similar bullshit on r/MyPartnerisTrans where husband comes out as trans and starts medically transitioning and then asks wife about exploring the world of feminine fashion for the very first time. Like, seriously?! What the fuck is that shit?
Insecurity. You felt so insecure about being a man with these feminine desires that you literally felt it necessary to renounce your manhood and come out as "queer"? (Let's not ignore the social engineering/TikTok cringe propaganda gender ideology affirmation informed consent shit, either. It all plays a role).
So what advice do I have for AGPs before I retire from my perch as "self professed gender ideologue who was actually a huge fucking phony"?
How do you cope with AGP if you want to live your life as a man?
What do you do if you want a wife, and kids and to be a husband and father but at the same time you just want to be a woman so fucking bad and it makes your little peepee wet and you just can't fucking stand it anymore?
I don't know, I'm not a perverted AGP like you.
(kidding! how big of an asshole would I be if I really just ended it like that?)
You need to stop wanting to be a woman. I know that sounds impossible, but hear me out:
You need to integrate the feminine parts of your persona with the masculine parts. They are all parts of the man that you are.
The feminine aspects of yourself shouldn't impact the masculine aspects of yourself. They don't make you less of a man.
A man likes who he is and is ok with where he is at. A man is comfortable in his own skin. A man is secure in himself and who he is as a person.
You don't need to act a certain way in order to be a man. Don't try to be the person that you think others want you to be. Be the person you want to be.
This will help you to be authentic. This isn't about being a nice guy, or a good guy, or a guy who everyone likes, it's about being an authentic guy. When you are authentically you, then you don't need to fix. anything. You don't need to hide anything. You don't need to do anything. You're complete, and living life comfortably as yourself. You're being who you are. All of who you are - not just the parts that you've deemed to be "acceptable".
Do you fucking get it yet?
You need to stop with the gender envy. Jealousy of women is a trait that will destroy everything you want from your life as a man.
You feel envy towards women because you are compartmentalizing aspects of yourself and isolating them. You can try to ignore them but they will fester and overtime they will drive you insane. There is no need to compartmentalize aspects of yourself. This is what insecure people do. A fucking man isn't insecure about who he is - his girly side and his manly side all come together to make him a whole and complete person. This is the integrated man.
What is it that you're jealous of? Do you want to feminize yourself and get dressed up like a woman? That's easy! You can do that as a man. What? You don't think you can? You fucking pussy.
What if you want a woman's body, as in you want your naked body to be the body of a naked woman. Well, this is definitely going to be trickier to figure out. Get a gaff. Get realistic breast forms or a high quality breast plate. Spend some money. Accessorize.
Get the transition narrative out of your head. You can't become a woman. I don't fucking care if you disagree. Oh, transphobia! Like I give a fuck. You sensitive bitch. It's a fucking lie. It's stupid.
Stop obsessing over it. Figure it out. If you want to do it - do it. If you want to have a family and present yourself to the world as a man, then do that. If you were actually a man you would just do what you actually fucking wanted and this wouldn't be so difficult.
Appreciate your lady. Be her man. Don't envy her femininity. Bask in it.
There's no wrong way to be a man, man. I may not be an AGP but that doesn't stop be from keeping my body shaved completely and my skin smooth. I use this stuff called PHB after I shave... apply it all over my body. Keeps me soft. I wear panties whenever I fucking want. My. dick is locked in a cage. I like being treated like a bitch in the bedroom, and my lady actually enjoys it quite a lot. Because I'm not trying to be a woman. I'm being her man - the man that I am. All that I am. All of my aspects, integrated, so she is getting the whole package of me as a person. All of my passion. All of my sexual energy. You want to put it all out there for your partner. When you compartmentalize your AGP desires, your passion goes with it. This makes you lame in between the sheets, stud.
Quit being a pussy and doing pussy shit. Loser.
ONE MORE TIME
you embody both genders within you. everyone does. INTEGRATE your feminine gender with your masculine gender. This should have no impact on the man who you are.
allow your ETII to become an aspect of the man you are. There is no shame in letting her out. She isn't a separate person that you can become. She is a part of the person that you already are.
if you allow yourself to be that female persona, then why should you feel envy towards women? Why should you feel gender dysphoria.
As human beings, many of us feel biologically driven to reproduce. To procreate. Spread our seed. Let me tell ya, family is one of the most beautiful things about this life. I know not everyone agrees with that, but my wife and my kid are part of the man who I am. And they need me to be that man. I got a family to support, ese. I'm fuckin' out.
sincerely -
TheMEFaggot (Formerly TheAGPrick)
Comments
Post a Comment